Most of us absorb the attitudes and prejudices we have grown up around. Until we reach a place of self-reflection, we may continue to carry these when searching for and evaluating potential spouses.
1. Prejudices against darker-skinned people
Colorism is deeply rooted in most Indians. People think fairness increases both your beauty and your value. They comment on a couple who have very different skin tones. Do you look down on someone who may be darker skinned than you? Or think you are not good enough for someone lighter-skinned than you?
2. Prejudices against people who don’t speak English well or have a strong colloquial accent
Let’s blame this on our convent school education. Speaking impeccable English doesn’t make you better than anyone else, and having an accent or making grammatical mistakes doesn’t make you any less than anyone else. If you still laugh at someone or mock them or constantly correct them for their imperfect English (or any other language for that matter), you may have a language-based prejudice.
3. Prejudices against people from broken families or who have been through an annulment
A broken family does not imply a bad character or lesser value of the children of such a family. Your parents’ sins, mistakes and failures are not your own. Everyone has their own family baggage, but don’t prejudge a person based on their family. Similarly, most times in an annulment, one of the spouses was a victim of deception or abuse. That’s not their fault, and you don’t know their story until you get to know them. I know some very happy and holy Catholic families who would not have been together if one partner had dismissed the other because of an annulment.
4. Prejudices against people from a different caste or community
When people ask for a surname in order to identify their community or refuse to talk to someone purely because of the community they belong to, that is the definition of prejudice. Not everyone who belongs to a particular community all have the same traits, and it’s always better to get to know a person before deciding what they are like.
5. Prejudices against people who are not as highly educated as you
Degrees don’t define the intelligence, worth or character of a person. Some have had more opportunities than others, some have made unconventional choices. Again, get to know the person, and don’t make judgments just based on their degree or even line of work.
Do you have any of these prejudices? Are you working on growing and changing?
If we are truly Christ-followers, there is no room for such prejudices in our hearts or decision-making.
May the light of Christ enlighten our hearts and minds and help us have His perspective.