At a recent marriage preparation retreat my husband and I spoke at, a series of marriage-related scenarios were shared that participants discussed and shared their opinions about.
One was related to a spouse being uncomfortable with their partner texting someone of the opposite sex. The retreat participants felt that the spouse was being unreasonable, behaving in a jealous way, and probably needed to go for counseling to deal with their own personal insecurities.
My husband and I exchanged glances. We had a different take…
Strong boundaries in marriage are meant to protect your marriage and allow it to blossom and flourish. Constant texting with an opposite sex friend has the potential to weaken your marriage. Even if that is not your intention, ongoing texting creates a feeling of intimacy and closeness that should be reserved for your spouse.
Apart from all that, if your beloved spouse is uncomfortable with something like this, just purely out of love and respect for them, it would be good to say “If you feel strongly about this, I’m happy to take a step back and stop texting.”
Now of course if your spouse is uncomfortable with you having ANY friendships or relationships outside of him or her, and seeks to isolate you from others, that’s a dangerous sign. We should be encouraging each other to maintain healthy friendships and a good support system.
But in the case of an opposite sex friend, and even more so if it’s an ex, or someone who used to like you, or who you used to like, choose to protect the intimacy and unity of your marriage by staying away from texting and DMs. (If you have read about affairs, or know anyone who has had one, it has almost always started like that.)
A wise way to maintain such friendships is in group settings, group chats, and including your spouses in your conversations and friendships. No secrets from a spouse! Live in the light, and don’t make room for temptation to enter in.