Spoiler: there is no perfect or ideal number.
Catholic marriage tip:
Don’t idolize or idealize a certain number of kids.
Whether it’s a typical Indian ‘two child only’ plan, or an ‘only big families are truly open to life’, both attitudes are missing the mark.
God’s perfect plan is usually not society’s perfect plan- one boy and one girl. Neither is it always a huge troop of perfect well-dressed children that we sometimes see on Insta.
Each family and situation is different.
As Catholics, we are called to have an attitude of openness to God’s will and plan for our particular lives and families.
That means saying ‘As many as God wills’ when people ask how many children you are going to have.
It means discerning God’s will together at each stage of your marriage. If He guides you and your spouse to do so, use NFP to avoid pregnancy (for just reasons, like physical or mental health concerns, not being able to provide for more children, etc). In extreme situations, you and your spouse may need to choose sacrificial abstinence for a long period of time.
If God nudges you to be open to more, it means generously and trustingly being open to a third, a fourth, a fifth.
True surrender to the will of God means accepting the hardship and cross of infertility. It means accepting a surprise baby with joy. It means trusting that God is in charge of our fertility and our families. It means exploring adoption if He puts it on your heart.
When we close our hearts and our minds to God’s will and guidance, and cling to our ‘perfect’ plan, we are often disappointed, frustrated and angry when things don’t go according to plan… whether it’s a surprise pregnancy, a smaller family than we hoped for, a child with special needs, or the pain of infertility. We may even voluntarily deprive our children of a sibling they should have had through our lack of trust.
Start your marriage with trust in God’s goodness and wisdom, and believe that He will guide you and provide for both the struggles and needs of your future family. Find a spouse who is willing to do the same.