Too many people find themselves in awkward or uncomfortable situations when they talk to a potential spouse and then realize that they don’t have the connection they hoped they would find.
It’s tempting to ghost the other person and just try to fade away without ever directly talking about it.
But that leaves the other person confused or hurt, and is not a respectful or honest way to treat another human being.
The best thing to do is to have an honest but gentle conversation. Honesty matters, but so does tact. You don’t need to say “I’m not attracted to you.” Instead say “You are a wonderful person, but I don’t feel the connection that I’m looking for in a potential spouse.”
Instead of saying, “You don’t seem to have a deep relationship with God or a real understanding of Catholic moral teachings”, you could say “I don’t think we are on the same page when it comes to faith and values.”
If they really care or ask, you could elaborate in a gentle (non judgmental) way.
Sometimes it’s tempting to give a minor reason instead of the real one.
“I don’t actually want to move away from my city.”
When the real reason may be “I felt uncomfortable and rushed by how rigid your expectations were.”
The reason why it’s good to be honest when possible is because it gives the other person a chance to introspect and examine their behavior and hopefully learn from them.
What if the other person refusing to accept your reasons?
You don’t owe anyone marriage or a relationship just because you have been talking to them. The talking stage is supposed to be as free as possible. That also means you should get too emotionally involved at the talking stage, share too deeply, talk to the other person too frequently or text them constantly. Be wise and prudent otherwise you will find one or both of you finding it difficult to end it when it needs to be ended.
Even if you HAVE been wise and prudent, the other person might have become unhealthily attached due to their own insecurities or bad boundaries.
It still isn’t your job to protect the other person’s emotions at all costs. The kindest and holiest thing to do in that case is to gently inform them that you feel it is better to end communication and then just stop responding to texts or calls.
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